And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize