She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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