I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
