This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
