May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
