Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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