you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
