If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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