"it" just moved
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
