He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
