Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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