ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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