Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
