This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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