my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
