I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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