That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
