He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
