I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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