I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
