You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
