I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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