1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
