wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
