I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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