Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
