From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We are all done wearing pants today
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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