How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
im about as happy as oj after his trial
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
