the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
