You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
