it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
accomplished twins. life is a go
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Hippo gnu deer
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
