So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
