you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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