he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
