He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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