while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
