god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
