never play flip cup with pint glasses
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
