I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
