he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I look better un-naked...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
