$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
