Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
