So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
