Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
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what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
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He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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