When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
