HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
