Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
