I think I won the penis lottery.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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