look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
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I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
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How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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