Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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