Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
