I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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