One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
