Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
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