I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
