I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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