I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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