Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
3pm strippers are depressing
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I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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