I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
