Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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