I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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