either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
