it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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