I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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