He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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