I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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