In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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