You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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