grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
