I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
