I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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