why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Randomize
