before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
