it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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