i permit you to call me
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
