Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
